The Easy Part

Writing the music is the easy part.

It's the copying, proofing, formatting, recopying, correcting, printing, proofing again and reprinting, xeroxing, and then comes the really hard part: no, it's not the rehearsing or performing - it's the promoting! Writing ABOUT the music seems way harder than writing the music. Getting the critic to listen and take note. The bio, the schedule, the background on the organization and the ensemble, the programing for the next season: all the PR that goes into the preparation and production. Production details, getting the audience.

I am making some progress. Singers have their music; the pianist has her music. (I mailed it all on Monday). I still don't have a venue for the Santa Fe concert, though I do have a fallback venue if the first choice fails. One of the board members wrote a great email to a friend asking about possible hotel venues in Santa Fe - but that being Fiesta weekend, and barely six weeks from now, I don't hold out much hope. Just keep on doing something every day... I spent all day working on PR - and that's ready to go. Juls helped with editing and proof-reading the PR. Without her, I fear I'd never get any of it done. And then another Board member's will have lunch with the local music critic tomorrow, and she'll give him the PR packet.

See? I'm not doing it all myself! I'm not doing alone.

A few years ago I composed an unaccompanied choral setting of Denise Levertov's poem "The Avowal" - I wrote it for the singers, as kind of a warm-up piece - to help them find a blend with each other and to kind of allow everybody, audience and performers alike, relax and float with the music. The text begins "as swimmers dare to lie, face to the sky and water bears them..." That's what I want: just to float. But the point of the poem is that lying in water, on your back can be a scary thing - we have to let the water bear us; "...as the hawk rests upon air and air sustains them" we have to let the wind carry us. (BTW, I love the idea of air sustaining the hawk, in contrast to the singer using air to sustain a sound. ) I tried to use that in the composition - until the singers and the listeners just can float or fly along effortlessly

"...so I would learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace."

And that's the easy part: The Avowal

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and hold on to your socks!
Tarantella

Call me Maestra

I will always remember the time when I was directing an orchestra & chorus in rehearsal, and one of the clarinet players raised his hand and said, “Maestra, I have a question...” And I felt this… rush. It was a completely new and very, very cool feeling: complimentary, respectful and courteous and quite flattering – it was such a rush! I remember realizing in that moment that certain protocols of respect and collegiality from the eighteenth and nineteenth century actually remain in some circles at the end of the twentieth century, and I had just been inducted into those hallowed circles when this musician put me upon the podium and called me, Maestra.

But I got over it quickly. It’s not that I was uncomfortable though I certainly was unaccustomed to being called Maestra – in fact, I was quite at home up there making the music. Maybe I was afraid that I would lose something – I’m not sure exactly what – and would be alone. I do know that my mother often warned me about “showing off, or making a spectacle of myself, and the virtues of being modest, self-effacing,” and yada, yada, like that. I thought I preferred to be just a regular guy.

Soon after that time, one of the singers in my chorus made a podium for me. It’s a beautiful, heavy wooden box with inlaid beige carpet on the top. It’s sturdy and, well… authoritative. For a long time I used it in rehearsals – frankly because I’m so much shorter than the singers in my chorus – and I always use it performances, often even if there is one provided by the concert hall.

It has taken me 15 years since that day to realize that that musician did not put me, on that podium to call me Maestra. I stepped up there, I prepared, I held the baton, I led the musicians with authority and that I deserved to be called Maestra. And the minute I step off that podium I may become ordinary again but that’s the magic of it! It is not vanity nor conceit, it's not even an honor, as such. It's an attitude and a state of mind: it's how I feel about myself as a musician and a conductor and a composer. Then, smile and answer the man's question; lift the baton and make music.

Just do the next thing

1. I saw the publicity for the concerts yesterday – it’s going to be part of the Cathedral Concert Series in Albuquerque.

2. I talked with a guy about the Santa Fe venue. There’s a snag with Santa Fe: the weekend we want to do this, is Fiesta Weekend (actually, more like Fiesta month from the looks of the events calendar – every thing seems to be pretty well booked with mariachis or flamenco). So if we do it there, we’re going to have to fluff-up the Southwest poetry & Red Earth theme for Santa Fe. That should be easy.

3. I got three sopranos in the last two days. Yah! So it looks like its going to be a nicely balanced chamber choir of about 16 singers.

4. I gave the music to the harpist (also the guy connected to the Santa Fe venue). Next I give the music to the pianist – who is connected to the alternate Santa Fe venue.

5. I think I have a line on a guy who will record for us…

6. I consulted with the choral director and we set up the rehearsals – 5 rehearsals in as many weeks.

7. I FINISHED composing the “Desert Song” – it’s moody, and seductive, and deep and I love it. I gave parts to the harpist and to the conductor. Watch this space for preview sound files.

8. I had the insulting, painful, nobody-will-like-it conversation with mother. Jeez!

( Parents! – in my case, my mother; in Wolfy’s case, his father – just don’t’ get it. They fear for us ( like, we’ll starve, we’ll be eaten by lions, or sharks, we’ll die of thirst in the desert, we’ll never be successful, employed) and they don’t really care much for our music, either. Do not look to them for validation, acceptance or praise – it is not there and will never be.
So I was thinking about Mozart today. All those sonatas and concertos for piano, all those string quartets – written to “pay for” what he really wanted to do, which was write operas. “Get a job!” So, he played parties; he gave salon concerts; he showed up in the town plaza with his piano on a cart and played. He never had a patron, but he found sponsors and sold subscriptions to his concerts.
My mother does not like my music. 'Truth is, she hates it. She asks me, “Do these people want to sing your music? I hope you’re not forcing it on them.” I don’t even know how to answer that. My friend says, “Just say, ‘I’m hanging up now.’ And hang up.” It’s not really rude, it’s just exactly what she thinks: “I don’t like your music, don’t ‘force it on me’.” Okay – she’s not invited. Some bloody karma there! )

Then I got up like a shot this morning, OMG! There’s no piano in the Cathedral!!! Can I do this with organ? No wonder Maxine thought Ben was the accompanist! And Maxine (the conductor) is flying off to UK tomorrow, and the publicity has probably already gone to press. And … there’s too much to do to fret about mother, we’re putting on a show in less than two months!.

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Gotterdammer Fuguing Ausgepisst!

The Project

My friend Julie calls it sash-twisting. (RE: The Dare, 7/13/06: It's that self abasing, self abusive reluctance to put it out there and let people hear this great music I make; like, “please, suh, a pittance for my treasure? And I swear I’ll never ask again.”) Jeez, it’s not welfare we’re talking here!

It’s time to put on a show. Think of Mozart betting on the come – no grants, no patrons, just a bunch of friends and an old music hall – producing the Magic Flute. How did he do that? Did it kill him? (oo, don’t wanna go there!)

Okay, think of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney: “How can we make money to save the farm? I know, we’ll put on a show! My mom can make costumes. We can use the barn… it’ll be great!”

I guess that’s what this blog is all about: The Project:
"Red Earth"
I’ve written the music. Now it’s time to produce and perform it.
No more sash-twisting, just get out there and sing.

No-talent Genius

There is some deep, intrinsic quality about the honest creation of something which has come to me by thought and inspiration and must be written down and made real in sound and time through the connection of minds and souls in performance and hearing by an audience. This is no mere entertainment – this is not very commercial – it is for the hearing, for the listening, for the humming, for the singing, for the remembering, for the dreaming, for the knowing. And if someone wants to give me money for this, great! Terrific! But that’s no reason to write it and I’m not going to stop composing if it’s not commercial enough or if no one buys it.

But there I go – defending myself and my work. And I don’t need to defend it. I have always been aware of the fact that the world is full of people who have a vested interest in the failure of the artist, people who are ready to reject new art, new music, new ideas in the name of commercialism. So what? If Mozart had quit writing when his patron said it was “too complex, too busy, too difficult to understand,” what a bleak and empty world this would be today… how the sound of all music since then might be different. I am confronted by the safe, scared, bland and unchallenged pablum of the commercially acceptable aesthetic every day… it is the food for tiny, empty little minds…

We are just beginning to understand how the complexity of Mozart’s music is the very stuff of genius, Not too long ago the governor of Georgia, in a rare moment of enlightenment, set aside money to give a free CD of music for every infant born in the next five years. And what is on that CD? Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, Beethoven – and not the easy stuff that lulls and puts to sleep – but the intellectually challenging and brain stimulating stuff that helps children grow inquiring minds with the confidence to explore, develop and acquire a variety of taste and interests… yea, even in the womb.. helping to raise a new generation of people who enjoy and value new art.

Okay… So I’ll keep working on it. And make it perfect and send it out and see what happens. Nevermind, the road is full of disappointments and rejection. Just nevermind and go on.

“…pick yourself up; dust yourself off and start all over again.”

The Dare

This blog begins with a dare:
it came in an email to me from my oldest, best friend and was prompted by my usual gripe about not having enough money, no recognition, no fame&fortune, blah, blah, blah!
so here it is:

" I don't know why it has to be this way for anybody else, but it has to be this way for you because you do not ask for what you want or need, and you dishonor your genius by exercising it on the cheap. There is help to be had IF YOU ASK FOR IT, and that's the not-doing-it-all-by-yourself part. You have not allowed anyone ELSE in on your dirty little secret, which is your music genius. You have to exhibit respect for your music by asking for help in producing it. Please, sir, I want some more abuse; abuse me, and dishonor my music. Your mother happily complies. No one else agrees with her, but they don't get the chance to say so, or to help get it out into the world. Modesty is self-denial and there is no virtue or honor in self-denial.

Stand up! Make music.